guess I’ll go eat worms…

The thing is, I’ve been pouting, throwing a “me party” as it were.  Because nothing seems to be going my way.

hmph.

Too much honesty, for you this morning?  my apologies.  I’m trying to get over my “me” addiction.

Long ago my GG used to quote this poem to me, when I was mid pity party. It goes like this:

Nobody likes me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I’ll go eat worms,

Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one, 
Down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one,
Up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

I can almost feel one coming up now. ick.

The really really gross truth is, life is disgusting when it is all focused on self.  If all I manage to digest is me, me, me – the stuff that comes back out is just sickening.  putrid, rotten, sinful me.  And nobody wants to be around all that unpleasantness.  Believe me, I know first hand.

So, what did I do this morning?  I finally canned the pity party and looked at my favorite book.  Ephesians.  Do you know what the beginning of chapter 5 says?  Here it is:

from Ephesians 5:  Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. ² And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.

All of this nastiness comes to an end, when I imitate Him, living sacrificially, my life as an offering to Him.  Then, when I am no longer engrossed in my own self-love, when I’m completely focused on Him and consuming Him, what I emanate is Him. I become the sweet-smelling, refreshing aroma of Christ’s love to those around me.

Okay, I’ll admit it is hard.  But, I’m tired of smelling like me.

My Sweet Baby Doll’s Hour

(my sweet baby girl, now four years old!  and I ask myself the obligatory question, “Where has the time gone?”  After looking over some of her birthday photos, I was reminded of my first blog post ever, more than 3 1/2 years ago. I thought I’d share it with you today… )

Well its 5:26 in the morning, I’ve just finished feeding Mackenzie. It was sweet this morning – she sort of whispered and cooed to me and stopped to smile at me a lot. As I put her back in her bed I had a haunting thought – How in the world am I going to remember this moment five years from now. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to seal the time away in my long term memory – I’m not sure it worked.

I thought about my other sweet babies and wondered – how am I going to remember the special moments – when Isaac puts his little arms around my neck and says “I wuv you mommy” – or like last night Emily had a victory, scoring her first soccer goal of the season. She turned to me and gave me the big double thumbs up- it was so cute and I was the proudest mommy ever at a soccer game!!

I can’t help but have a bit of remorse – why didn’t I work out a plan? Why didn’t I know I’d want to remember more? I should have taken into account my forgetfulness a bit sooner…

My great grandmother was probably my favorite grandparent – We called her GG. She was amazing. She was very sharp – she always had her wits about her til she passed away at the age of 90. She did the crossword in the newspaper every day and I remember thinking how smart she must be. GG passed along a love for many important things like lightening storms and sunsets (we’d watch them from her front porch on a hot summer night in Ottumwa). There were snowballs, the hostess kind, that were a highly favored snack at GG’s house. And there were many other wonderful things. But there was poetry with GG.

Yes, my GG started reading poetry and memorizing it with my sister and me when we were very young. There was a special poem we would read by Longfellow called “The Children’s Hour.” (the book is on my shelf in the living room now…)

I actually thought of the poem this morning, while I snuggled Mackenzie a bit longer than usual. The last verse rolled through my mind, as I was sitting with my sweet baby doll and it dawned on me. All along I had thought this poem was a sweet reminder of how much she loved my sister and I. But now I realize this was a pledge of remembering, promising to hold each memory close to her heart. And maybe not each exact memory but the intangible feeling of it perhaps, the way it feels in the deepest part of your heart. I find myself making the pledge to my own children this morning with the last stanza of the poem:

“I have you fast in my fortress,
and I will not let you depart.
But put you down in the dungeon,
In the round tower of my heart.
And there I will keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Til the walls shall crumble in ruin,
and moulder in dust away.”

Thank you GG for helping me get my plan together.

md

(very first blog entry written November 17, 2009)

(Christmas 2009)

ups and downs

We hit up the Pumpkin Patch, a favorite local park on Signal Mountain yesterday.  Cousins, Burl and Fern, along with their Mama met us there.  And later, one of Emily’s best friends, who she’s known since she can remember, arrived and played with us too.

A large part of our time at the park was spent on the giant slide.  Climb up the ladder. Go down the slide.  repeat.  one thousand times.

Mackenzie just yelled “Geronimo!” over and over as she came down.  I have no idea where she learned that.

At one point I heard Isaac say, “This is the best time ever at the park.”

Because everyone knows ups and downs are much better with cousins.

In the past few days and weeks I’ve been thinking over some of my relationships.   I used to think that I simply pick my friends and my relationships and that I move through life within that framework – that I was in control, I was the mastermind of my social-emotional-relational life.  After all, Scripture does advise us to choose friends wisely, and to be careful of who is in our company…

But, the truth is every significant relationship in my life has been orchestrated by his hand.  Family members, and friends alike, I can’t really claim as my own doing.    He has given these as beautiful, genuine, sincere gifts to me providentially, lovingly.

for the ups.  and the downs.

I’m grateful for what he’s done for me, and for the gifts I can see He is giving to my children.

clean dishes

My Great Grandmother (known by my extended family on my Dad’s side as GG) was a fabulous story teller.  She regaled us constantly with humorous anecdotes and hilarious memories. There was no end to her story telling and poem reciting.  and we all loved her for it.

We had a few favorites we’d make her tell us over and over again.  One unfortunate story was about my Uncle Larry falling out of the car as a child.  I’m not sure why she even told us about it, maybe to scare us out of ever opening the door of a moving car?  But, she had a way of making anything and everything incredibly dramatic and terribly interesting.

There was one brief child hood memory she shared with us, that I remembered this morning.  My husband is out of town you see, and so I’m attempting to create less work by using paper plates, which means fewer dishes to deal with.  At any rate, as I was throwing paper plates away after breakfast, her story came to mind.

As a child growing up, the folks living next door to GG had a strange habit.  They did not wash their dishes.  Instead, they merely licked their plates clean, and each only used their own dish, never giving them a thorough washing.  She told me they were wealthy and had plenty of access to water, but still they chose this over true cleanliness.   I vividly remember GG saying with great emphasis, “Those dishes always looked clean, but you sure didn’t ever want to eat dinner at their house…”

Okay.  gag.  Go ahead, I did.

But, after the initial disgust of that memory wore off, I have to tell you what I thought.  This is what I realized.  In my own heart, I am no different.  None whatsoever.  I go around, wiping stuff up in my life, hoping to give the appearance of clean to those around me, rather than actually taking the time to go before my Heavenly Father and confessing sin, letting Him wash me thoroughly.

Often I am more worried about my appearance before man, rather than what my reality is, which is sinful.

and that is disgusting.

But the good news is this :  There was a sacrifice made, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses me from all unrighteousness.  And because He is my righteousness, I can have a heart that is whiter than snow, completely, thoroughly clean.

Thank you Heavenly Father for this gift of forgiveness and righteousness through your Son, Jesus.  My I remember that it is not the appearance that is important, but that I actually live in the freedom that comes with accepting these gifts you freely give!  amen.

⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1John 1:8-9)

come to me

It was one of those days.

You know the kind:

where you barely have one moment to yourself, yet you feel completely alone.

oh there’s lots to be done, places to go, people to see, things to do, decisions to make, yet it all feels senseless and stiff.

and there’s a hole that feels inexplicably deep and wide right in the middle of your heart, but nothing on hand to fill it and noone who can sew it up tight…  just emptiness.

Well, maybe you don’t know – it is possible that I’m the only one.

So, as the day was coming to a close, while I was doing the supper dishes and listening to music, the very best possible song came on and lit up my kitchen.  It was as though Abba Father chose to sing this song directly to my heart in a perfectly beautiful and tender tone.  His words to me were  clear, almost like a lullaby a Daddy might whisper to his little daughter; it was so soft and sweet, that all I could do was stand there next to the sink, my hands raised to the Heavens, waiting for His embrace.

And with the words of this song, He reminded me of what I needed to hear most:

“Come To Me”

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I’m all around you
Though you feel I’m far away, I’m closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you, I’m your faithful strength
I am with you wherever you go

Don’t look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved ooh
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I’m all that you need

After those few moments with my Father, my heart was prepared for a new day.   The truth is, every time I draw close to Him, I’m reminded that in the middle of my “every day”, He really is all I need.

And it is in that place I find rest.

 

the fiery arrows

I watched her from the kitchen window, standing in the backyard, her bow in hand, arrows at her side.  She needed to practice shooting for the state meet.  But she was struggling.  Fear had overcome her and she was frozen in place like a statue, her bow arm extended and shaking until she couldn’t hold her arm up any longer…

fiery arrows, shot directly at her heart. 

I had said everything I knew to say and now it was up to her. No amount of logical statements or encouragement from me was going to work.   She would have to find a way to overcome her fear and doubt and shoot the target the way she was accustomed to doing so well.

Her situation was not lost on me.  In new and unexpected ways I’ve recently experienced my own set of fears.   And God help me, I know what it means to worry.  I understand what it feels like to have that uncontrollable urge to run away and hide, attempting to avoid life altogether.  The way my insides can turn to wobbly jello in two seconds flat, or that large knot in the pit of my stomach; I know it all personally.

In so many ways this is becoming a summer of courage for our family.  It seems each  of us individually are finding ourselves in distress or difficulty, some monumental, some probably inconsequential in the long run, but all of us in need of a protector and rescuer.  Fiery arrows of fear and worry and doubt, hurled at us, can only be quenched and averted one way.  With Scripture ignited in our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit we can find the life-giving courage for each of our troubles, and the protection that we need, just like Paul describes in Ephesians 6.

¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Fortunately I have come across just the right resource to help us.  Our Seeds Family Worship CD titled, “Seeds of Courage” is refreshing, and it is renewing our spirits.  We have begun learning the first three passages, and we will continue to learn the rest of the verses over the course of the summer. (You can keep up with the Scripture we are learning this Summer on my Soul Food page, here on the blog.)

I can’t tell you how invigorating and empowering it has been to pick up the Sword of the Spirit and use it.   Praise God for the ongoing work He is performing in our hearts and minds.

************************************************************************************************************

I thought I’d share some excellent news with you!  Emily, my sweet girl-archer, was given the gift of courage last weekend and was able to shoot at the 4-H state archery meet.  I believe our prayer and Scripture memory was just what she needed to shoot without fear.  And out of more than 60 jr archers, she received 9th place.  We are rejoicing and celebrating the results of her first archery competition!

Melody’s (new favorite) Muffins

In 1983, when we were living in Canada, on Maxwell crescent, in London, I remember a culinary revolution.  Or, well, that’s what it seemed like in my mind as a fourth grader.  My mom started the happy habit of baking muffins.  blueberry muffins.  chocolate chip muffins. zucchini muffins.  morning glory muffins, banana muffins and the list goes on and on….

Muffins were all the rage, especially healthy muffins with substitutionary ingredients like apple sauce instead of oil and oat bran instead of so much all purpose flour.  My Mom embraced this new trend whole-heartedly.  And so did we, especially if there were chocolate chips in her creations.

I do remember one incident where Mom made orange muffins without butter.  They were supposed to have butter, but she left it out on accident.  Mom is typically a pro when it comes to multi-tasking, but on that busy day the muffins fell thru the cracks and the butter was left out of the batter.   Never has there been a more terrible, awful baked good than those orange muffins without butter.  But, I digress…

Well, as I have been working at changing some of my personality in the kitchen, I have been looking for ways to bake and cook that are healthier.  And there are a myriad of  healthy choices when it comes to muffins.  I have been pinning recipes, and bookmarking other options in hopes of finding something to bake.

Today, without warning, I came across the perfect muffin recipe and within moments of reading it, I was in my kitchen pulling out utensils and finding ingredients.  And this is what I baked:

The kids love them.  I loved them as well, especially while they were still warm with a little pat of butter.  These muffins did not have butter in them either, but they were not supposed to.    Since my taste-testers wanted seconds immediately, I figure the recipe might be worth sharing with you…  (My Children are no respecter of baked goods.  They’ve been known to stare down other muffins before and refuse to eat them.)

I got this recipe from Pioneer Woman’s website, but I edited it and made it my own, so we’ll call them:

Melody’s new favorite Muffins.  (I know, I know – super creative title, right?)

Instructions:

• 1 cup Whole Wheat Flour
• 1/2 cup All-purpose Flour
• 1/4 cup 7-grain cereal (similar to other dry cereals, includes flax, oat bran and other grains)
• 1 cup Regular Oats
• 1/2 cup Packed Brown Sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 teaspoon Baking Soda
• 2 teaspoons Baking Powder
• 3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chunks
• 1 cup Buttermilk
• 1 whole Egg
• 1 whole Banana, Peeled And Mashed With A Fork
• 1/2 cup Applesauce
• 1/4 cup Molasses
• Extra Buttermilk As Needed For Thinning

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Thoroughly grease a 12-count muffin pan, or use muffin cup liners.

In a large bowl, combine flours, 7-grain cereal, oats, brown sugar, salt, baking soda, baking powder and chocolate chunks. Stir together until combined.

In a separate bowl, mix together the buttermilk, egg, banana, applesauce and molasses.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, stirring until it just barely comes together. Batter should be wet and sticky; if needed, splash in a couple extra tablespoons of buttermilk.

Scoop 1/4 cup helpings into the muffin cups and bake for 16-18 minutes, or until deep golden brown.

Serve warm with softened butter.  yum.

Hope you enjoy them!