The truth is I’ve been avoiding writing this post. I’ve done everything I know to do instead of putting my thoughts here. Which, all things considered, is not that hard since this house keeps me terribly busy and our schedule keeps me moving, often too busy to blog, too busy to think.
But the time has come.
Tuesday afternoon I decided to get dinner prep rolling. Pork chops, mixed veggies and mashed sweet potatoes. The pork chops were marinating, the veggies were ready to be steamed and I pricked the sweet potatoes and popped them in the oven to bake.
Even as I did it, I knew. He wasn’t going to eat it.
The afternoon went on and things in my heart did not progress well. While the sweet potatoes were in the oven baking I felt myself become a touch irritated – I knew the heat was on. By the time I was pulling them out and slicing them open to cool, my frustration was simmering. Dinner was just about ready and I found myself mashing those sweet potatoes with so much vigor, my anger was at a full rolling boil.
Why am I bothering? No one likes what I make for dinner anyway! Pouting ensued here – before the food was even on the table.
Before I go any further, you need to know a little bit about the situation. Isaac – my sweet boy- he struggles with food textures. He has since he was little. Anything with a mushy or squishy texture was terribly hard for him to swallow. There was a time in our family history when Isaac would throw up during dinner at least twice a week.
Which brings us to the painful truth of why I was in avoidance mode about this blog post: Back then I was a terrible mom. I would get so frustrated and I would raise my voice at my little boy if he gagged during the meal. Because who wants to clean up puke at the supper table? (At least that was my excuse.)
We’ve moved on mostly from those kind of dinners – and Isaac has made huge strides towards eating so many new and different kinds of foods. But every once in a while he has a struggle – and sweet potatoes is one of those foods that he can’t negotiate yet.
As we sat at the table – he stared at the tiny little spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes on his plate. He knew it was gonna be hard to get down – and he begged me to not. But, I suggested he try – we have to keep attempting new foods. So he tried. And he gagged. And I yelled at him to stop it.
yep. that’s how it went down.
I apologized to my sweet Isaac afterwords – many times over. and I hugged him and kissed him. and I told him we wouldn’t try any kind of mashed potatoes for a long time.
Later I cried when I talked to God about it because I desperately don’t want to have an angry heart. And though I can feel the Holy Spirit massaging my hard heart, every time He gives me the opportunity to respond without anger, I miss it!
I’ve thought about it over and over again since then – and this is the thing : this life of following Christ is about sanctification. My anger keeps me focused on myself, my rights, and how I’ve been insulted (even if we’re talking about my children refusing to eat my cooking). All of the rough edges of sin and darkness must be rubbed away. When I focus on my Savior, and glory in His righteousness and His presence – there is NO ROOM for that anger. He is my helper in those moments – if I will take a deep breath and hear Him.
The Good News from Hebrews 2: I love reading about The Savior – who calls Himself my brother, who knows and understands that I need His help!
10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings. 11 For both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one, for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren, 12 saying: “I will declare Your name to My brethren; In the midst of the assembly I will sing praise to You.” 13 And again: “I will put My trust in Him.”And again: “Here am I and the children whom God has given Me.”
14 Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. 16 For indeed He does not give aid to angels, but He does give aid to the seed of Abraham. 17 Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18 For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted.